There’s a reason you think twice before conceiving. Parenting is hard! How can you handle a baby when you can barely handle yourself? For every parent, the constant thought of ‘Am I doing the right parenting?’ is tormenting.
We know how people can influence your parenting technique. How aunties and social media can judge you for your parenting moves. ‘Oh, you shouldn’t have done this’ or ‘you should do that’ can be overwhelming.
But let us tell you, you already are a good parent if you are thinking this.
You don’t have to copy anyone’s style. Right Parenting isn’t about becoming the “ideal mom”. Rather, it’s about finding what’s realistic for you and your child.
Of course, every parent is different, and there isn’t a single formula that works for all. In case you are struggling to figure out the right parenting approach for your child. Let us help you out.
What is “Right Parenting”?
Before you start listing tips in your mind, get this clear: right parenting is not a fixed method. It is not gentle, strict, or attached. In fact, many parents misunderstand it because of common myths—if you’re curious, you can explore these gentle parenting myths here: Gentle Parenting Myths
Right Parenting isn’t:
- Following tips from a parent influencer
- Sticking to one strict method from a book
- Adhering to your mom’s way of treating you
- Being calm and patient 24/7. No mom on earth can ever do so, can she?
In fact, right parenting is all about:
- Your child feels safe and loved
- Your child remembers you at times of trouble
- Having boundaries that protect them
- Knowing how to correct them without feeling punished
- Choosing an approach that you can actually maintain
- Growing and learning with your child
- Sharing respect
So instead of thinking, “Am I doing the right parenting?” ask, “Is this parenting approach right for my child?”
That’s what we are going to figure out together. Before figuring out what’s right for your child, reflect on yourself and your home to figure out the right technique.
Kid’s Personality Check
No, you need not take any professional assessment for this. You know your child better than any expert. Just look out for your kid’s nature from the points below:
- Feel everything deeply and cry easily
- Is energetic, loud, and pushes every button
- Opens up slowly or jumps into everyone/ everything
- Overwhelmed by the outer environment
- Need lots of affection
- Prefer doing things alone and at their own pace
- Respond better to soft words or admonish
Now choose your approach accordingly. For instance, sensitive kids respond well to calm and respectful discipline methods—you can explore a few practical gentle discipline techniques here: Gentle Discipline Techniques.
Your Personality Check
You don’t need to forget yourself while mom-ing. Don’t treat yourself like a robot. Your life is not only about kids. Your parenting approach should come naturally from your personality, nature, and values. At the same time, it should not harm your mental or physical health. Now, take a moment and judge yourself.
- What’s your basic behaviour: Soft or strict?
- Mess, nagging, overworking, or mischievousness, what annoys you?
- Calm, playful, structured, or open, how do you picture your home?
- What is it that feels wrong to you but right to most of the people?
- Authoritative, friendly, permissive, or authoritarian, what kind of parent do you want to become?
- What kind of bond do you want to share with your kid?
The right choice here is to maintain balance. Anyone, including a parent, would feel exhausted from leading a behaviour that conflicts with their personality. Eventually, it causes guilt and yelling. If you’re aiming for a balanced and effective approach, you can learn more about becoming a calm yet firm parent here: How to become an Authoritative Parent.
Understanding Parenting Styles
Every parent has a different approach to different situations. But the broader parenting styles are:
- Very Strict: It has lots of rules and less warmth. Kids may obey your words, but out of fear, not understanding. They can become anxious or secretive.
- Very Lenient: It might have lots of love, but very few or no rules. Children will obey you at their own will. They will feel loved. However, they will struggle to follow boundaries later in life.
- Banalced: Warm, loving, and firm. It has an affinity with clear rules. Your word is their command. But you give well-suited reasons and listen to their feelings so they feel safe, heard, and guided.
Connection Over Discipline
Discipline is good. But it’s worthless if you have no emotional connection with your child. In fact, right parenting always puts bond first. If they feel connected, they will listen better, share more, and follow rules willingly. A few simple tips to build a connection are:
- Regular undisturbed time
- Listening to their silly talk carefully
- Hugs and kisses before they leave the home
- Cuddles before sleep
- Talking freely around each other
- Binge-watch, paint, or play games together
- Be affirmative
How to Deal With Disappointment
Even when you disagree over something like getting an expensive toy, here’s how you can deal with the situation:
- I can see you’re angry, but you are not behaving like this
- I can feel you, but don’t hit anything/ anyone
- I see your point, but it is not how it works
- We can consider your point next time, but for now…
- You can hit the pillow if you’re having a temper
With this kind of persuasion, you’re firm, emotionally connected, and set clear boundaries.
Clear Instructions
Setting a clear set of instructions within the home helps kids behave better outside, too. Moreover, they are the core values that stick with a person forever. You can add a few more things too:
- No hitting
- No rude talking to anyone
- Work before entertainment
- Clean your own mess
- No breaking things when angry
- Do your own little chores
- Say please, thank you, and sorry wherever needed
- No name-calling to elders
Checklist
To make it all easy for you, here’s a checklist you have to tick off at the end of the day. But remember, not all days are the same. You can overachieve or underachieve sometimes. And it’s all okay!
Did my child feel loved?
Did I teach something useful?
Did it match my energy?
Was today predictive for my child?
If you said yes to any of these two, you’re doing the right parenting.
Takeaway
You don’t need to be perfect. In fact, the key is to be imperfect for your imperfect kid. You just need to be a loving parent with clear rules who is willing to listen and try. Not to forget, it is okay to shout sometimes or give them a break. Right Parenting is not about never making mistakes. It’s about learning from them.
