I still remember that morning. I was seven. I tried to make toast. Burnt it. Smoke everywhere. The smell clung to my sleeves. I froze. My mom came in, looked at it, and said, “You’re so careless. Can’t you do anything right?”
I wanted to disappear. I wanted to melt into the floor. I didn’t cry—too scared—but my chest felt tight for hours. That tiny moment taught me that nothing I did could ever be enough.
If you’ve felt this, like every little mistake is magnified at home, you know what it’s like to grow up with a narcissistic parent. And trust me, it’s confusing. Outside, they might charm everyone. Inside, it feels like the world doesn’t see you at all.
Let me walk you through my memories, tiny moments, and messy reflections. Maybe you’ll see yourself in some of them.
Walking on Eggshells
Our house had moods. You could feel them in the floors, in the walls. One wrong word, one careless move, and you’d trigger a storm.
I remember spilling a cup of water once. My mom didn’t yell. She just stared. Silence. My heart pounded. I held my breath, frozen, unsure if I should move.
Years later, I realized I was still doing it. I tiptoe in relationships, over-apologize, over-accommodate. Walking on eggshells becomes second nature.
Conditional Love
Winning affection wasn’t automatic. I learned that love had strings.
I wrote a story in third grade. Ran to show my mom. She didn’t even look up. Silence.
I learned that affection depended on performance. Overachieving became survival. Even now, I people-please sometimes, afraid love will vanish if I’m not “perfect.”
Achievements Overshadowed
I landed a summer internship at sixteen. Told my dad. He shrugged. “That’s nice. I was already managing a team at your age.”
I felt crushed. My joy stolen. I learned to downplay my achievements. Celebrating felt wrong. Even now, I sometimes minimize success at work, at home, everywhere.
Emotions Dismissed
Cry over a nightmare? Sad about school? Express feelings? Bad idea.
I remember sitting on my bed, knees hugged to my chest, crying quietly. “Stop being dramatic,” my parent said. That day, I learned my feelings were invisible.
Many adults raised like this hold their emotions in. They fear judgment. Even from friends, even from partners.
Carrying Their Feelings
Children of narcissistic parents often carry adult burdens.
I was ten. Sat on the kitchen floor, listening to my parent vent about work, bills, family drama. I tried to soothe them. That wasn’t my job.
Even now, I apologize too quickly, over-accommodate, carry emotional weight that isn’t mine.
Constant Comparison
“Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” “Your sibling never makes mistakes.”
I grew up in shadows. Constantly measured. Always not enough. That pattern follows. Adults like this often struggle to celebrate achievements, even their own.
Guilt as a Tool
“If you really loved me, you’d do this.”
Survival training disguised as love. We say yes to avoid conflict. Overcommit. Overextend. Ignore our needs. I remember feeling resentment quietly bubble inside. But saying no? Impossible.
No Boundaries
Privacy doesn’t exist. Diaries read. Rooms entered. Phones checked. Speak up, and you’re “disrespectful.”
This habit follows. Some adults never set boundaries. Others build walls so high no one can reach them.
Forced to Grow Up Too Fast
Many kids act as caregivers. I sat on the kitchen floor at ten, listening to my parent talk endlessly about life, bills, arguments. I tried to soothe them. I was tiny. Not a child anymore.
The burden sticks. Adults raised like this feel anxious, over-responsible, and rarely at ease.
Low Self-Worth and People-Pleasing
All of it—criticism, conditional love, overshadowed achievements, ignored emotions, carrying burdens, comparison, guilt, no boundaries, forced adulthood—leaves marks.
We say yes when we want to say no. We downplay success. Question our worth. But awareness helps. Seeing patterns allows us to reclaim life, protect ourselves, and feel valued.
Steps Toward Healing
Healing is messy, slow, but possible.
- Journal: Tiny reflections help untangle feelings.
- Seek support: Therapy, friends, support groups. Validation matters.
- Self-compassion: Treat yourself as a child deserves.
- Set boundaries: Protect space and peace. Not selfish.
- Reparent yourself: Give the inner child love, safety, and validation.
Conclusion
Narcissistic parents leave scars. But they don’t define you. Recognizing patterns is the first step toward healing.
You are not broken. You are not too much or too little. You survived—and now you can reclaim your life.
Check out our full guide: Narcissistic Parents: Growing Up, Recognizing, and Healing. Ready for the next step? Read How to Set Healthy Boundaries Without Guilt.
Your story matters. Your healing is possible.
